Meet Extra the cat. She was a special visitor to the darkroom recently, and she is very cute. She is so adorable that she deserves a post of her own. So there.
Sunday, August 29, 2010
Hello Hello
Meet Extra the cat. She was a special visitor to the darkroom recently, and she is very cute. She is so adorable that she deserves a post of her own. So there.
Sunday, August 22, 2010
Sunday, August 15, 2010
151st post! :O
To Lesley: This is another wonderful example of stop-motion... makes me ALMOST want to buy an Olympus Pen. :P
Late post is insanely late. I actually started on this post about last week, but then a bunch things came and rolled over me. Ah well. So I deleted whatever I had written previously, and yeah. heres the 151st post vr 2!
Thank you to all those who gave me support via my tagboard! Im much better now, thank you. I'm a lot less angry, and am currently a lot happier. I guess its just growing pains. People are coming and going, and its been a bit tiring trying to keep to to a pace in life that I despised. But theres not much point whining about it, so I'll just leave those thoughts to rot and move on.
I'm now 17. I don't feel older, nor do I feel wiser, but I do think I've changed. I think a lot more about people and less about situations, and I have come to take pride in my leadership, and not just wear it as a badge or burden. I think I'm coming to terms as having a role in my society, and not just a passerby who criticizes the deplorable state the world is in now. I'm involved and I can do something; its just that having the superhero syndrome of wanting to change the world is not always a good thing.
Perhaps I am starting to understand what it means to grow up. Perhaps Im just a bit dazed tonight. Its strange, to think about yourself. To think of yourself in relation to others, to feel like your connected and yet your not. I want to talk philosophy, and yet I want to speak of carefree nothings at the same time too. Contradictions.
I know this post seems a bit emo still, but I already post my brainlessly happy things on facebook, and I just want a space to be quiet and muse for a while.
Perhaps I should take off that tagboard. Its a bit odd to have answers to rhetorical questions.
Late post is insanely late. I actually started on this post about last week, but then a bunch things came and rolled over me. Ah well. So I deleted whatever I had written previously, and yeah. heres the 151st post vr 2!
Thank you to all those who gave me support via my tagboard! Im much better now, thank you. I'm a lot less angry, and am currently a lot happier. I guess its just growing pains. People are coming and going, and its been a bit tiring trying to keep to to a pace in life that I despised. But theres not much point whining about it, so I'll just leave those thoughts to rot and move on.
I'm now 17. I don't feel older, nor do I feel wiser, but I do think I've changed. I think a lot more about people and less about situations, and I have come to take pride in my leadership, and not just wear it as a badge or burden. I think I'm coming to terms as having a role in my society, and not just a passerby who criticizes the deplorable state the world is in now. I'm involved and I can do something; its just that having the superhero syndrome of wanting to change the world is not always a good thing.
Perhaps I am starting to understand what it means to grow up. Perhaps Im just a bit dazed tonight. Its strange, to think about yourself. To think of yourself in relation to others, to feel like your connected and yet your not. I want to talk philosophy, and yet I want to speak of carefree nothings at the same time too. Contradictions.
I know this post seems a bit emo still, but I already post my brainlessly happy things on facebook, and I just want a space to be quiet and muse for a while.
Perhaps I should take off that tagboard. Its a bit odd to have answers to rhetorical questions.
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
I've found what I've been looking for
I wanted time to myself, to do what I wanted, when I wanted, and where I wanted.
Selfish I know, but we all need to be alone sometimes.
Thursday, August 5, 2010
Okay, so I am tired.
And I've been a complete ass about life. My duties will not wait for me. I have a job to do. People are depending on me. Get up and go Jac, moping does nothing for you besides waste time.
Sunday, August 1, 2010
What if
Life's been a bit strange lately. I've been a bit strange lately. I haven't really been able to express myself anymore... through my work, through photography, through anything. I'm drowning in my studies; Ive lost the will to strive. I have responsibilities, duties and friends but most of them feel superficial and fake, and I dont really want to burden my proper friends with complaints because I know that most of my problems are trivial and not really worth the trouble, but I still feel down.
Its hard to keep smiling all the time. My smile slips off my face like a bar of soap, and then I suddenly feel like an animal all over again, like back in the days where I didn't interact with anyone besides my family, because I didn't know how. Its hard to joke, its hard to laugh, its especially painful when I have to learn how to have physical contact with others because I sometimes feel just so inadequate and shy, so anything beyond my awkward pat on the shoulder or back makes me feel so intrusive and alien. People say Im cold that way. I cant spontaneously hug people, or provide great emotional support, or even read moods very well. When I act its usually entirely by accident, by instinct or because someone told me to; I haven't made a conscious emotional decision in a long time. I could talk with you, but hugging people properly is just such a foreign concept to me its scary. I guess I feel a bit lost. I want to be there for people, yet Im scared that Im not deserving or not good enough, or I feel like I sometimes have no right to intrude at all.
Actions speak louder than words, you know, and sometimes just a simple movement just screams at me. I have all these wonderful people in my life that give support and encouragement, but I just cant seem to give back. All I can do is talk.
I feel a bit cut off, but thats okay I guess. Im just so afraid of losing my humanity. Why is it Im a stranger in my own home?
Its hard to keep smiling all the time. My smile slips off my face like a bar of soap, and then I suddenly feel like an animal all over again, like back in the days where I didn't interact with anyone besides my family, because I didn't know how. Its hard to joke, its hard to laugh, its especially painful when I have to learn how to have physical contact with others because I sometimes feel just so inadequate and shy, so anything beyond my awkward pat on the shoulder or back makes me feel so intrusive and alien. People say Im cold that way. I cant spontaneously hug people, or provide great emotional support, or even read moods very well. When I act its usually entirely by accident, by instinct or because someone told me to; I haven't made a conscious emotional decision in a long time. I could talk with you, but hugging people properly is just such a foreign concept to me its scary. I guess I feel a bit lost. I want to be there for people, yet Im scared that Im not deserving or not good enough, or I feel like I sometimes have no right to intrude at all.
Actions speak louder than words, you know, and sometimes just a simple movement just screams at me. I have all these wonderful people in my life that give support and encouragement, but I just cant seem to give back. All I can do is talk.
I feel a bit cut off, but thats okay I guess. Im just so afraid of losing my humanity. Why is it Im a stranger in my own home?
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